Zdravstvuyte from Russia! Week Two

TEARS -- Today was our last day in our first orphanage (Volkhov, Russia). The littlest kids acted out a fairy tale for us and little Sasha (he’s four) was in it. He was adorable. He played a dog so he had a little tail sewn to his pants. I stayed with the little kids for a little bit and helped them get dressed to go outside. I took a few kids to the sandbox once they were dressed and we pretty much stayed outside the rest of our time there. When it was time to go get all of my stuff together to leave, I did just fine. I went back outside with all of my stuff and some of the group was starting to say goodbye. I held it together pretty good even seeing some of the girls crying. We started walking down the path toward the street to catch the bus and ALL the kids started following us and coming with us to the bus stop. It was horrible. Everyone was crying. I finally had to struggle to hold back the tears when all the babies started yelling Dasvedanya (goodbye) from the sandbox. Knowing that I will never see little Sasha again and knowing that he doesn’t understand why we’re leaving and that we’re not coming back, breaks my heart. At this point I was miserable. But me being my usual self, I wouldn’t allow myself to cry. The caregivers and director thanked us so much for all we had done for their kids. It was really sad to leave.

Earlier today I pulled aside Peter and Andrei (two of the greatest kids in the world) and had Yan (our translator) talk with them. I love those boys so much and they have so much potential. I love them both.

The worst part of leaving was leaving Peter and Andrei. As we went across the street to the bus stop, I couldn’t bring myself to look at them. I felt so sorry, as if I had failed them in some way and knowing that everyone in their lives has walked out on them. I had so many tears that wanted to come out, but I just would not let myself cry. I just didn’t know what to do with my emotions.

The girls in our group were crying today, some more than others. But seeing the Russian kids cry so much is what broke me. Even some of the little boys were crying. One little boy yelled at his leader, “Can’t you take me with you?” Another little boy, who was so tiny and only six, had bonded so much with one of our girls. He was crying so hard. His caregiver had to hold him in front of her with her arms wrapped around him in comfort so that he wouldn’t come after us.

As our bus drove away some of the younger kids started to chase after us from the side of the road, yelling and waving goodbye. My tears filled up my eyes, but I only let a few fall.

It is only now that I am able to fully release all my emotions. As I am writing this, alone in the dark in my bed, that I cry out to God for comfort!

~Amanda